'All I Know' by Five For Fighting

I bruise you
you bruise me
we both bruise so easily
too easily to let it show
I love You, and thats all i know

and all my plans
keep fallin through
all my plans they
depend on you
depend on you
to help them grow
I love You
and thats all i know

when the singer's gone
let the song go on
there's a fine line between
the darkness and the dawn
they say in the darkest night
theres a light beyond

and the ending always
comes at last
endings always
come too fast
they come too fast
and they pass too slow
I love You
and thats all,
it's really all i know

it's all i know

Amazing isn't it... :')

Feels Like Bliss!!!

I love traveling. It gives me a release. Not to mention an amazing insight into what I am. And a lot many answers. This time was no different. It was also extra special. This time my holiday made me very happy.

I cannot define the State of Happiness. So I won’t try. But I can damn well illustrate it… by putting up my picture! You see I don’t remember being as happy as I am, as of now, as of the present...

And with good reason!! In the last week, I got to be with my favourite people, saw my dream house, met my dream guy… oh it was Amazing! Talk about dreams coming true :) It’s marvelous to enjoy happiness before it’s gone. Most of us glamorize sorrow so much, that we fail to acknowledge the simple pleasure happiness brings.

There are always things to bog you down, but what helps, every time, is looking at the Bigger Picture. It sounds simple, and obvious, but it’s surprising just how many times we overlook this simple fact. Strange, but true!!

As is obvious, I’m on a big ‘Count- Your - Blessings’ spree and loving every minute of it. God is in His Heaven, and all is Right with the World. At least my World :)

Theorizing Faith...

I’ve always believed in the Power of Love, Faith, Communication et al. And then I’ve also disapproved of cynicism, lack of faith or specifically, Disillusionment.

Now I think differently. Not about the believing part, but the ‘losing faith’ part.

I believe, when a relationship ends, it’s pretty alright, healthy, in fact, for a person to have what I call a Mourning Period. You mourn because you’ve cherished and Respected the relationship, and hence when you mourn it, you do justice to the magnitude of emotions you’ve felt. Fair enough. Love is worth every tear you shed, after all.

Some people get over the past, some get ahead. Some find the strength or the chance to love again and then there are some who don’t. Who lose their faith. It’s sad really, to see someone give up hope like that. You’d think they aren’t strong enough.

But then I feel this lack of faith after a relationship can be explained. Look at it this way... when people are left Disillusioned after the end of a relationship, does it not mean that they had put so much faith, so much of themselves into the relationship, that with its end, they simply lost themselves... zapped out of everything? Does it not mean that they Respected that relationship so much, that it actually had the Power to render them faithless? Because something can only affect you when it has a Power over you, right? So, for that particular person, doesn’t Losing Faith actually signify a deep, irreplaceable reverence in the Power of Love? I think so.

I am not seeking to justify Disillusionment here. Nor do I think I can ever get disillusioned myself. I’m only forwarding a theory, which may or may not be true. (*disclaimer* if you will :) Personally, I maintain, it’s infinitely better to keep the Faith... the Hope... that itself makes Everything fall into Place... Eventually... :)

Granted, it’s said that ‘who has no hopes, has no fears’. And perhaps Faithlessness does manifest itself as Fearlessness. But then, given a choice, wouldn’t we rather be Hopeful than Fearless!! :)

Gobsmacked…

Since a few months now I wanted to watch ‘If Only’. I don’t know why. Nobody recommended the movie to me; neither did I ever watch its promos. Never have I heard anybody mention it, and neither do I know if it did well or not, whether it was acclaimed or not.

But now I know why I wanted to watch it. I simply had to. I’m still in a daze, after having seen it. It’s The Perfect Story. And it’s Alive. Saying that it touched me will be an understatement. Saying that it’s the Best movie I’ve ever seen doesn’t seem to do Justice to it either. It’s more than a movie really. I have no words. I’m gobsmacked.

Music of the Soul(mate)...

So… I find my soul mate at last, only to discover that he died 144 years ago… sad huh? Well that little fact won’t stop us from being soul mates!! :)

His name’s Henry David Thoreau… a familiar name to all, I daresay...

I read his quotes extensively only recently and that is when I realized that in some previous birth, we were definitely together… :)

Just check out the stuff my sweetheart’s written.....!

‘The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run’
(A simple fact really, but one we often overlook)

‘As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler’
(Akin to my ‘Complex by default, Simple by Choice'... but so much better!)

‘In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood’
(nothing's as true as that)

‘Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence’
(umm.. that is more or less what I keep trying to say na… :)

‘It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see’
(Just when you needed something deeper than ‘glass half full’)

‘The heart is forever inexperienced’
(Thank Heaven for small mercies... I’d rather it be that way)

'I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestioned ability of a man to elevate his life by Conscious Endeavor'
(Exactly…!)

'If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away'
(That's So Comforting… :)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the Life you've imagined!'
(Here’s hoping we all do!)

And this one’s my all time favourite (quite predictably!)

'There is no remedy for Love but to Love more’

Ahh… he’s put that so well, it sounds like music! :)

Drifting Dreams...

I love this picture… took it myself… :)

I don’t understand much about photography, neither am I an enthusiast, unless when it comes to appreciating pictures...

I only click what I feel is too precious to lose and enjoy the feeling that for one tiny moment, I’ve captured Time… :)

I call this one ‘Drifting’. Took it before sunrise. I can really relate to the clouds here. It seems as if they, like me, are on their way to another World, not sure what it holds, but wanting to explore it nonetheless… :)

Wondering why I was up before sunrise?

Well you would be too, if nightmares woke you up all the time and made you too scared to go to sleep again… God Forbid, though... wouldn’t wish that on anybody... it’s the worst thing, having recurring, terrible nightmares... makes you dread the night, fear the evenings… leaves you feeling threatened and vulnerable… :(

Don’t sympathize as yet, though... it’s not always that bad... especially once you get used to it. And then sometimes, I do sleep well. In fact I remember three nights when I had blissful, amazing, dreamless sleep.

But that’s another story, of another time… or perhaps, another dream? :)

Sense and Sensitivity...

Sounds good, doesn’t it?? Sense and Sensitivity... An alliteration (one of my fave figures of speech) and at a safe distance from downright plagiarism… (for everyone who knows what I’m talking about.. and for those who don’t, welcome to the club!! I don’t know myself!!)

but I fooled you! This post isn’t about sense or sensitivity... (Snicker Snicker) :)

Still want to continue reading?? Fair enough!! I believe in second chances too... :)

This post is actually about Nothing… you think there can’t be a post on Nothing? Well I’m going to prove you wrong!!

Notice how I’m keeping the tone of this passage (man RC is getting to me!) strictly interactive?? In spite of the fact that there haven’t been any comments on the past two posts?? Now what does that tell you?? I’ll tell you what that tells you…

1. I am slow
2. I am dumb
3. I never learn
4. I’m going to continue blabbering
   

Any complaints? Disagreements?? Of course not! How can there be when nobody is reading this at all? Which brings us to a very interesting question… why am I writing this then?? I’ll tell you… I’m writing because I have nothing better to do… and when I’ve nothing better to do (which is most of the time) I write!! Notice how I’ve managed to be jobless myself and waste your time too!! Man I’m brilliant! Scratch the previous conclusions!!
Now... How much of your time did I ruin?

1-2 mins – you’re good at RC

2-5 mins – you’re not good at RC

5-7 mins – hang on… do you even care about these estimates!! Because I’m kidding and these are fake!!

Any guesses why I’m so foolish?? Yeah you got it! (I know you didn’t, but I can’t say ‘you dunce, why the *&^% can’t you get it?’ right?) So…. I took Steve Jobs too seriously when he said ‘Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish’ which reminds me, that I’m hungry!!

So I’ll stop here! Yes, finally!! So I’ve managed to talk about nothing!! *applause* :)

As always, I love it when I don’t make sense!! :)

About Time...

Sometimes, a really weird thing happens to me. When I get up in the morning, I suddenly go back in time. I might feel it is 2003 and I need to work for NASA, or it is 1999 and I need to go to school, or it’s 2005 and I need to get ready for office. Sometimes I start searching for a ring on the bed, that I distinctly remember having worn before I went to sleep, only to discover that I gave it to Dido a fortnight back. It’s spooky, if not scary. Not being in tune with time can make you feel very helpless.

Such a crazy thing, Time. So Powerful, so Overwhelming. It can heal the deepest wounds, or leave the deepest scar. It makes allowances for everything… your sweetest memory, your greatest fear, your best achievement; your worst failure… everything else can stand still, except time. In fact, time can often be cruel simply by moving on.

The truth remains,though… that time is the toughest test and the greatest proof, of Life and of Love… a test all of us need to take, sooner or later, and then wait... for Time’s verdict. And of course, hope for Justice… :)

Communication...

‘Everything comes to the one who waits, provided he knows what he’s waiting for…’ I don’t know who wrote this; Roy Sir quoted it… It seems to make sense, doesn’t it? I wonder if it would work, though, if you know, deep inside, what you want, but you don’t want to acknowledge that... or simply haven’t realized that. It should stand true na... because isn’t it also said that you never learn something, but realize what you already knew? That is what Richard Bach says anyway, and I’d like to think that’s true… :)

Sometimes you feel you know what you want… But then you look at the person who has that, and realize you wouldn’t want to be in his (her, in my case) shoes!! Then you start soul searching again…

What helps though, is good old communication... talking to people you can relate to... the ones who make you think, the ones you connect with, the ones who give you the ‘release’ you look for!!

There’s a Power in Communication, I believe, that is most definitely Unique… :)

A Matter of Faith...

Just when I’m about to abandon my ideals or get disillusioned, something happens and I get back on track… this time it was our result.

It came out yesterday. I was expecting to be way behind my class mates, percentage wise. Reason being the marks are not allotted fairly, prejudices come in, and in the past, I’ve often been on the receiving end of such injustice. The final year largely consists of internal marks, which are awarded on a biased basis. So I was half expecting to just about scrape through, which was fine with me since scoring well was never my priority (never been ambitious na :)

But to calculate your percentage, they take your 4^th year and 5^th year marks together. In doing so, my performance at the universities got included, which has always been good since the college doesn’t play a part in it, and my average, though not exceptional, was good enough.

Had the marks been awarded reasonably (not expecting to be treated specially, only fairly) my average would have been even better. But I have no complaints, since I don’t need a lot to be satisfied. (A trait that Raoul would consider criminal! :)

What I want to say is, I stuck to what I felt was right all through the five years, irrespective of the consequences. No obsequiousness, no dishonesty, no sweet talk, nothing. Everybody said you need to be a sycophant to survive in a professional college. I wasn’t one. And I survived well enough, got through too. It might be a small victory. But I’m very proud of it.

So I’ll go on doing what I feel is right. One might call me silly but that’s ok. There’s a great Power in Truth, as in Love and Faith. And I believe it works wonders. Somewhat akin to 'Gandhigiri' in ‘Lage Raho Munnabhai’. The movie has such an Amazing message.

We are not living in the greatest of times, and choices are getting tougher by the day. But the fact that the basic good values still exist goes to show the sheer strength of these ideals. And they will sustain us as long as we believe in them. Hopefully, forever... :)

Somewhere Only We Know...

This one's another song by Keane.. 'Somewhere Only We Know'... Just the title of the song gives me goosebumps... the song's so simple.. yet so profound!!Tom's voice and Tim's lyrics always create magic... I've never liked falsetto much but coming from Tom's vocal chords, i love even that... :) It really is amazing, the way they come up with simple words that express so much... no pretensions... just the truth, pure and simple, straight from the heart... It's a lovely feeling when all that you want to say but cannot express is beautifully sung by someone (and it doesn't hurt that the 'someone' singing is really cute... Tom Chaplin in this case... he's a Gombu! :)
their debut album 'Hopes and Fears' was Incredible... and the recent one 'Under the Iron Sea' is equally great... it's like Clive Wearing said.. 'The most important things cannot be spoken; that's why there's music...'
When you listen to their songs, it makes you feel like you aren't the only one searching for that elusive, ideal world where it's okay to be simple... okay to not play games... okay to be all that you are... their songs give me hope... :)
Perhaps the world i'm looking for does not exist.. but even the hope of finding it is enough, really.. And then even this Ordinary World isn't all that bad.. because when you actually think about it, Life is pretty Beautiful.. :)

The Hardest Part...

What do you do when one day you realize that you had been looking at Life upside down? What do you do when you realize that you have been walking for so long only to find a dead end? What do you do when everything that you believed in turns out to be an illusion??
As i reach the far end of Hope, Despair doesn't seem like a bad place to be... There's a comfort in Sorrow that happiness doesn't give... there's a Refuge in Cowardice that Courage doesn't yield... is it really that bad to seek that comfort, that refuge?
Does time really heal every wound? Or does it become a wound itself? Sometimes nothing makes sense.. terms like 'right' and 'wrong' begin to sound unreal and are reduced to just being words...
Till you make a Choice.. and that is the Hardest Part.

Drifting...

Examz are finally done with... Five years of Architecture ends.. just like that... All of us are yet to come to terms with being 'graduates'. I personally don't want to. Too much responsibility... just when i was getting to be so comfortable being an escapist. On top of it the Huge stigma of being 'aimless'. Don't blame anybody for calling me that though. It's not their fault i'm born in the wrong time. Maybe I should have lived say 100 years back, you know married at age of 10, a mother of 6 at the age of 22, widowed by the age of 35 (considering my hubby would either be 20 years older or the victim of some obsure disease... :) Simple haan? No…I guess it wouldn’t be simple even then…. but its fun to visualize nonetheless…. :)

'Aim', 'Success', 'Failure'.... Big words... still meaning different things to different people.. Why should someone else decide if you're successful? Or if you're a failure? Isn't that for you to decide? Where your success lies.. where your peace of mind lies..Of course there are conventional yardsticks to measure you... but does that count really? Perhaps it does.. but in the 'bigger picture'? Who's to judge? As for me, irrespective of what i end up doing, i'll judge myself...and while i'm at that, be biased big time... :)

Love Factually..?

I didnt quite expect such an amazing response for the previous blog.. needless to say, i'm flattered... thanks to everybody who commented... :) the other day i heard about another successful love story... it was so sweet.. there are these issues, but they are going to be resolved, and everything shall fall into place.. i love happy endings..!! its a contradiction, then, that my favourite love stories are always tragic.. (Kisna, Qayamat se Qayamat tak etc.) Looking at love ideally (which is what i always do, more or less), theres something so divine about it, such an untouched purity, that it makes love seem as something best left unattainable.. any practical or attainable side to it then makes an anti climax of sorts.. is that really another way you can look at it?? or am i simply suffering through what i call a severe case of 'sour grapesitis'? ;)
forgive the bad joke! :)
sometimes i wonder, what is so powerful about this emotion, that holds people together? what is this power that doesn't let people like me get bitter or give up? i can only call it Magic.. infact i'd like to think its Magic.. another one of those inexplicable things those are best left inexplicable...its an amazing power, the power to love.. and anybody who has ever fallen in love is lucky and special.. and i'm a wee bit crazy.. :)

Everybody's Changing

There’s a song by Keane called ‘Everybody’s Changing’. The way I’ve been pleading people to listen to it, you’d think I was getting paid for it. Kya karen I can’t help it. It’s one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. When I listen to it, I feel as if I had been waiting for it. The chorus goes like this….

So little time
Try to understand that I
Try to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I love this part.. Isn’t that what all of us do? Try to make moves just to ‘stay in the game’? And look on helplessly as people change? So much of our time is spent playing games, putting up facades, when it’s so much easier to just be ‘ourselves’? Where do these inhibitions come from anyways? I wish they’d all go back to wherever they’ve come from. Life’s so short to be something you’re not; you hardly have time to be what you are…. If you figure out what you are that is… I believe I’m straying from the topic… well why not? I love it when I don’t make sense… :)

Love as I know it...

Of all the emotions, the one that intrigues me most of all is Love. In fact love is so much more than an emotion. Its a way of life. Almost like a religion, that all of us follow, whether we realize that or not. I've always felt we underestimate the power of Love, big time. Nothing, i feel, is better or sweeter, than two people loving each other. People spend their lives searching for the 'perfect' person. I don't believe in 'perfection' as an idea, though. 'perfect' is such a relative term. What is perfect for me can be weird for someone else. (Believe me, chances are it'll most certainly be weird for almost everybody, except me. ;) But how does it matter? What matters is you love. And keep Loving. And dream. And keep dreaming.

Of course its not always smooth sailing. You might get hurt, you might break your heart, you might screw up! But I'd say its worth taking the chance. Again, and again, and yet again.

May all of us be blessed with the fervour to Love.

Ok Enough mush for the day there. I must leave right now and read about crime and gore or i might throw up.... :)

Chasing Illusions...

When i look around, most people i come across know what they are doing. They have 'aims', 'goals', 'ambitions'... they are focussed, they have plans. I really respect these people, because i, myself, have no idea where i am headed. In today's world, that is enough to qualify as a crime. In a world where everybody is looking for what they want, i want something i can look for... A Purpose perhaps, a Calling if you will. It eludes me and i wait in vain. So while others make the best of reality, i usually end up chasing illusions.... :)