The thing is, I can’t dance to save my life. Saying I have two left feet is a grave insult to anyone who actually has two left feet. When I dance, it looks like a cute, clumsy froggy of a hitherto unknown species is trying to impress a particularly attractive tribal froggy. My moves are like the ones you could find in a Hula Dance of a Creepy ritual, where forlorn prehistoric clans are trying to invoke the Gods of Rain (or Fire?) in vain.
Anyway, being the sport I am, I did the role anyway and just about managed to pull it off on the final day. And when I say I pulled it off, I mean that I didn’t step on my partner’s toes or cause him a grave injury in any other way; neither did I fall flat on my face, or skid, or slip, or die.
That was a happy enough ending. Trouble started when I pushed my luck too far. Being overconfident as I am, I now began to think that I’m actually a born dancer and I just didn’t recognize this glorious talent that I had always possessed.
So what did I do? When Tanu asked me to dance at her brother’s wedding I said yes. I dragged an apprehensive Piyuda along with me and it was decided we would dance on the song ‘Pyaar Ki Ye Kahani Suno’ from ‘Honeymoon travels’.
So the ‘practices’ started. Tanu hired a choreographer to teach us the moves, and I’m sure I have harmed that guy in grievous ways in atleast four of my past lives, because he actually tried to teach us Salsa moves. Piyuda caught on pretty fast. I struggled and stumbled till he tore his hair off and let me move ahead with Salsa moves of my own which, like the Men in Black, do not officially exist.
We were short of time, juggling job and errands and what not, and having put in an hour or two of practice, we hopped on stage. I was (over)confident we’d do it, Piyuda was more realistic. When we actually were on stage, however, my mind drew a complete blank and I did a whole new dance. It wasn’t salsa, it wasn’t jive, it wasn’t anything but the moves of a cute, clumsy froggy of a hitherto unknown species trying to impress a particularly attractive tribal froggy. Piyuda did a lot better, but it was in vain since by that time we were giving two solo dance performances simultaneously, as opposed to a well rehearsed, coordinated, synchronized dance that was expected from us. In my defence, I must mention that throughout the show, we maintained eye contact with the audience, in the most unabashed and unembarrassed way, as if what we were doing was actually planned. Somewhere at the back of the audience, our choreographer was showing us the actual moves… which, I’m sorry to say, got us even more confused to the point that he kept dancing ignored, unnoticed and in vain.
I continued to dance, expressions and all, when I suddenly found that Piyuda had stopped, which meant that our bit was over and I should have stopped atleast 20 seconds ago. In spite of realizing my folly, I ended with a flourish, expectantly looking at the audience, anticipating a thunderous applause, which, for some obscure reason, did not come.
We gracefully left the stage, with all the satisfaction of a job well done.
Tanu hasn’t called me since. For reasons of comfort and convenience, I’m hoping that is because she’s busy and occupied, and not because I embarrassed her in such an important function.
The best part is, that Piyuda and I are proud of our effort, and most unaffected. For all you know, the next time someone asks me to dance, I might just do it again.
Some people never learn, and I’m so definitely one of them!!
Thank Heaven for small mercies!! :)
"Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching."
